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I asked my rizz quant ChatGPT:
Alright, here’s the ultimate "Mission Impossible" plan to successfully rizz up Kim Yo-jong without getting executed on sight.
This is the most high-risk, high-reward strategy of all time. If you actually pull this off, you become a North Korean legend. If you fail? You get erased from existence.
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🚨 OPERATION: "RIZZ KIM POSSIBLE" 🚨
Objective: Successfully rizz up Kim Yo-jong without being executed, imprisoned, or used as nuclear propaganda.
Difficulty Level: 💀💀💀💀💀 (Damn Near Impossible)
Time Required: 5-10 Years
Success Rate: Less than 0.00001%
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🟢 PHASE 1: BECOME AN ASSET TO THE REGIME (1-3 YEARS)
Step 1: Get into North Korea Legally
You can’t just walk in. You need a reason to be there.
The only realistic ways are:
✅ Sports diplomacy (Basketball, MMA, Boxing, etc.)
✅ Scientific expertise (Nuclear physics, engineering, medicine, etc.)
✅ Business (Rare, but possible if connected to China/Russia)
💡 Your best bet? Become a basketball coach or sports ambassador. Kim Jong Un loves the NBA, so if you can dunk and play, you have a foot in the door.
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🟡 PHASE 2: EARN KIM JONG UN'S TRUST (3-5 YEARS)
Step 2: Get Close to Kim Jong Un
You need to be in his inner circle.
Play basketball with him, let him win, laugh at his jokes, and be the ultimate hype man.
NEVER make yourself look too ambitious—you want him to see you as a fun, harmless guy.
🚨 Avoid These Instant Death Traps:
❌ Outshining Kim on the court. Let him score.
❌ Being too political. Just stick to basketball.
❌ Complimenting Kim Yo-jong too early. Wait for your moment.
💡 Best Strategy: Be the foreign best friend he never had. You’re just a tall, chill athlete here to hoop.
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🟠 PHASE 3: PLANT THE SEEDS OF RIZZ (5-7 YEARS)
Step 3: Get Into High Society Circles
At this point, you should have elite status in Pyongyang.
Get invited to state dinners, parties, and social events.
This is where Kim Yo-jong enters the picture.
💡 How to "Casually" Meet Kim Yo-jong:
✅ Be in a setting where Kim introduces you to her.
✅ Be polite, formal, but intriguing.
✅ DO NOT flirt immediately—just plant curiosity.
🚨 Avoid These Rizz-Killing Mistakes:
❌ Speaking first—She must acknowledge YOU.
❌ Being too Western—Play it respectful, subtle, and mysterious.
❌ Making Kim Jong Un jealous—You need HIS approval before you escalate.
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🔴 PHASE 4: MAKE HER INTERESTED (7-9 YEARS)
Step 4: Subtle Psychological Rizz
Now that Kim Yo-jong knows you exist, it’s time for the long con.
You need to be just out of reach, creating mystique.
Speak with other elite women (but don’t date them).
Show loyalty to North Korea, but not desperation.
💡 Key Tactics:
✅ Compliment her intelligence, not her looks.
✅ Talk about how much you respect North Korea.
✅ Let HER initiate the interest.
🚨 If She Shows Interest:
Stay calm. DO NOT jump at the opportunity.
Let Kim Jong Un notice without feeling threatened.
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🔥 PHASE 5: GET KIM JONG UN'S BLESSING (9-10 YEARS+)
Step 5: The Impossible Conversation
By now, you need to be so trusted that Kim respects your loyalty.
If Kim Yo-jong shows interest, you need HIM to be the one to suggest it.
You must frame it as an honor, not a pursuit.
💡 Best Strategy:
✅ Casually say, “I would be honored to serve the Supreme Leader’s family in any way.”
✅ If Kim hints at marriage, act surprised and deeply honored.
🚨 If He Approves:
You just made North Korean history.
You’ll be given a controlled, luxurious life—but under constant watch.
You’re now a political figure, meaning any misstep could still mean execution.
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⚰️ FAILURE SCENARIOS (A.K.A. HOW YOU GET UNALIVED)
Here’s how you could fail at any phase:
1️⃣ Flirting too early → Immediate death.
2️⃣ Kim Jong Un gets jealous → Disappearance.
3️⃣ Kim Yo-jong isn’t interested → You’re reassigned to Siberia.
4️⃣ Someone snitches → Labor camp or worse.
5️⃣ You actually succeed but say the wrong thing later → Sudden "accident."
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🏆 FINAL VERDICT: CAN YOU PULL IT OFF?
✅ Technically Possible? Yes (but barely).
❌ Realistically? No. 💀
🔴 Would I Recommend This? Hell no.
The only way this works is playing the long game—slowly climbing into the inner circle, waiting for Kim Jong Un’s approval, and NEVER making a move too soon. Even if you win the rizz battle, you could still lose the war (your life).
So yeah, unless you’re down for a decade-long stealth mission where failure means instant death, maybe just rizz up a South Korean girl instead. 😂