i cannot enjoy life. enjoyable things are either expensive or hard, and i am poor and lazy. i cannot put effort into anything, but without effort or money there is nothing to enjoy. as a result i will live a life devoid of joy for some years before i die. why? why was i given such life? what is the point in universe giving me such life? its boring. what does universe get from playing out a boring life? its like if some movie direcror would create a movie that would be boring to him. why would anyone do such thing?